Tell Us About Yourself

I'm applying for writing colonies and dealing with writing endless amounts of essays about myself, my work and what I will accomplish at the colony, blah, blah... and I realize that I hate that statement: Tell Us About Yourself.

How do you answer that? Well, I have freckles. I'm about 5'8" depending on which doctor's office. I live alone. I want to buy a dog, but I don't think I'm responsible enough (wait- that's bad? right. I should say I'm VERY responsible). I've been writing since I was eight. My first full length novel was twelve pages and called, Daddy and Me Play Golf. I illustrated it myself. When my dad left my mother for a 28 year old - the only copy was destroyed by yours truly. I write every morning for about two to seven hours depending on the day and the level of my hangover or non-existence of a hangover. I'm somewhat neurotic. But hey? Who isn't? I grew up in a small town drenched in secrets and scandals - none of which I'm allowed to write about until my parents are dead or so they threaten. Though I wonder if they would give up their social status for a New York Times Best-Selling author/daughter. I read a lot. In fact, I read so much that if you ask me that horrible question, "Do you remember what you were reading when..." questions - I'd probably look at you like you had a third head that was blue and had two flaming red eyes. I don't read. I devour.

You think they'd like that?